getting a little excited

I've said for months that I'm not ready to be pregnant again. I've claimed it may be years before I am. The last few times I said that to someone, I knew it wasn't true. The words were hollow as they came out. I knew that even though my mind said I wasn't ready, even though this isn't what I want to be doing right now, even though we had different plans, it was time.

There is so much going on right now with Matt changing jobs. Logically, it seemed like the worst timing possible to try for another baby. We have so much uncertainty - everything from where the money to pay for the existing members of our family to survive will come from to health care and even if we'll still be in Utah next spring. It was time; it feels like the right decision. We're going to have to trust that and know that everything will turn out.

I am getting a little excited. I received an email from old navy about a sale they are having. I immediately went to the maternity section to browse the sale. I'm going to need clothes for this winter. Howie was born early enough in the season that I have very little for winter, but I need it. because we're going to have a baby.

I walked by to gate at the top of the stairs. It's going to be more than a toddler corral once more. We're going to have to get back in the habit of keeping it closed no matter what, because we're going to have a baby.

I'll have to buy more baby clothes, because once again, Howie was a December baby. This will be a completely different season. We need more clothes because we're going to have a baby, and it might be a girl.